Up until this morning I had been under the impression that the pets my girlfriend and I have are cats. Just moments ago I realized the truth of the situation: They are actually porcupines. I know, it seems like such a difficult thing to miss but, in my defense, they are very cleverly and convincingly disguised as cats. It wasn't until just now, when I spent over an hour with the vacuum cleaner attempting to suck, pick, and cajole the purported "cat hair" out of the sofa that I realized the truth. The fact that IT DOES NOT COME OUT is what finally clued me in and made me realize that I was actually dealing with porcupine quills. See, porcupine quills have what they call a little barb at one end. I sticks out facing the opposite direction from the end of the quill so that once it gets inserted into something, that little barb grabs hold and won't let the quill come out. It's a defense mechanism the porcupine uses to avoid being somebody's lunch. Trouble is I just can't figure out what exactly the sofa keeps doing to trigger this defense. It's always very sweet, agreeable, and inviting to me. What could possibly be threatening about a sofa? I'll have to think some more on that, and how to create a less threatening environment for these, nature's little dart guns. In the meantime I need to go call the authorities and find out if I can get in trouble for having pet porcupines.
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