Saturday, December 02, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Picnic at Purdue
I recently heard Bobby Knight's somewhat embarrasing halftime tirade to his team during a game some years ago in which they were evidently not doing well. It had so many wonderfully quoteable lines, I thought it just had to be a song so...
Purdue
BTW, the music is by Buckethead, and the words, obviously are by Bobby Knight.
Purdue
BTW, the music is by Buckethead, and the words, obviously are by Bobby Knight.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Sleep elusive...
I've been having some problems falling asleep lately. Not every night, but about every 3rd night, two maybe three nights a month. It's really starting to become a problem. Every time it happens I go to bed the next few nights worrying that it will happen again, which of course, makes it even more likely to happen. Then it just goes away for a few weeks until one night, with no warning or any discernible reason, I go to bed and lay there for 2-4 hours until I drift off into a light nap from which I wake frequently, and then it's time to get up and start the day. On a normal night I usually fall asleep within 5 minutes. I've tried sleeping on the couch (trying to sleep, anyway), trying to sleep with the TV on, reading, warm milk, earplugs, and I don't know what else. Nothing seems to put me out. Tonight it's lasting a bit longer than normal, I'm approaching the 4 hour mark here. And I'm supposed to be at work early tomorrow to cover for somebody else. I should be in top form. Right now it's 3:33 and I have to be at work at 9. I don't really do well when I get less than 6 hours of normal sleep, these nights really make me useless the following day. Ah, jeez. Guess I better go lay back down and see if I can't nod off for a few minutes.
Friday, October 27, 2006
What, if anything, is wrong with lawyers?
After one week of jury duty, I've become more convinced than ever of the following things:
1. New York City is indeed a dangerous place.
2. People are stupid.
3. Lawyers make things way more complicated than they really need to be. (No news here, huh?)
I imagine it's probably a different story when you've lived in New York all your life, but when you move here from somewhere else, namely a sheltered suburban setting, it goes something like this: You arrive in New York with a head full of all the stories you heard about people getting mugged in broad daylight, murdered on school playgrounds, and assaulted in their own homes. You are paranoid and you look for it everywhere but you just don't see it. After a while you start to believe that the stories were all horribly exaggerated, or maybe just plain made up. You develop a sense of security and you are more or less comfortable. Then one day after you've been here for a few years, you get called up for grand jury duty where you get to sit and listen to story after story about horrible things that actually happened to real people right here in New York City, and you realize that all the stories you heard before you moved here were actually true, after all. Yes, Virginia, New York City is a dangerous place.
People are stupid. There's just no getting around that fact. I don't know if it's TV, the internet, fast food, public school, NASCAR, Paulie Shore, or what it is, but people have just stopped using their brains. I wish I could find a way to blame this on good ol' Dubbya Bush, but this has been going on since way before he finagled his way into office. Nobody thinks anymore. They can't process information, even the simplest bits. Don't believe me? Sit on a grand jury sometime. When a witness or a police officer finishes their story and the Assistant District Attorney asks the jury if they have any questions about the testimony, and 8 people ask questions the answers to which were clearly explained in the story we JUST heard, and 5 others ask questions that have absolutely no relevance whatsoever, you'll want to boil your own head in a vat of putrescent cottage cheese too. I realize this sounds awfully high handed of me, and I'm sorry for that, but come on people. Listen and process. Not a difficult task by any stretch. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that everyone is stupid, but I fear that it is rapidly becoming (or has already become) the rule rather than the exception.
Lawyers. I know I don't really have to say anything about lawyers, they're pretty universally despised already. But sitting on the grand jury has finally revealed to me the reason why legal proceedings take so bloody long. Why can't lawyers ever speak a sentence with less than 87 words in it? Or, more to the point, couldn't they just say what it is they're trying to say? If you have to ask someone, "Did you do ever get such-and-such item back?" Would you say,
A. "Did you ever get such-and-such item back?"
or
B. "Did you, at any time, ever see such-and-such item again, and, if so, what were the circumstances under which you saw said such-and-such item?"
I think most of us would go ahead and use option A. Simple, effective. It gets the point across and you get the answer you need. The lawyers on the other hand, all go with option B. Why? Who knows? Probably so they don't get sued. Ha! Most of the time it just confuses the witness, and when they finally understand the question and answer it, they still have to also be asked "Was such-and-such item returned to you at that time, or at any time after that?" So now they've asked two long, ridiculous questions just to get the answer to one simple question. This is my favorite one, though. They never ask someone "What happened next?" or "What did you do next?" It's always "What, if anything, did you observe after such-and-such event?" Again, it's more complicated than it needs to be, but, more than that, why the fuck do they have to say "if anything?" If nothing had happened, we wouldn't all be there in that room listening that horrible story to begin with. Please, for the love of Pete, just say what you mean. They also end up repeating themselves an awful lot, which wouldn't be so bad if it was just because they forgot what they had already said. But it's not. They repeat the same disclaimers over and over and over and over. Just say it once, we get the picture. It would make everyone a whole lot happier. And we could go home much earlier.
All that aside, jury duty can actually be pretty interesting. The stories you hear are mostly terrible and sad, but at the same time...well, uh, I was going to write something here that was meant to be poignant, but my brain just decided to give up and shut itself down. Sorry. I guess I just got my share of the stupid. Maybe I should go watch something on MTV.
1. New York City is indeed a dangerous place.
2. People are stupid.
3. Lawyers make things way more complicated than they really need to be. (No news here, huh?)
I imagine it's probably a different story when you've lived in New York all your life, but when you move here from somewhere else, namely a sheltered suburban setting, it goes something like this: You arrive in New York with a head full of all the stories you heard about people getting mugged in broad daylight, murdered on school playgrounds, and assaulted in their own homes. You are paranoid and you look for it everywhere but you just don't see it. After a while you start to believe that the stories were all horribly exaggerated, or maybe just plain made up. You develop a sense of security and you are more or less comfortable. Then one day after you've been here for a few years, you get called up for grand jury duty where you get to sit and listen to story after story about horrible things that actually happened to real people right here in New York City, and you realize that all the stories you heard before you moved here were actually true, after all. Yes, Virginia, New York City is a dangerous place.
People are stupid. There's just no getting around that fact. I don't know if it's TV, the internet, fast food, public school, NASCAR, Paulie Shore, or what it is, but people have just stopped using their brains. I wish I could find a way to blame this on good ol' Dubbya Bush, but this has been going on since way before he finagled his way into office. Nobody thinks anymore. They can't process information, even the simplest bits. Don't believe me? Sit on a grand jury sometime. When a witness or a police officer finishes their story and the Assistant District Attorney asks the jury if they have any questions about the testimony, and 8 people ask questions the answers to which were clearly explained in the story we JUST heard, and 5 others ask questions that have absolutely no relevance whatsoever, you'll want to boil your own head in a vat of putrescent cottage cheese too. I realize this sounds awfully high handed of me, and I'm sorry for that, but come on people. Listen and process. Not a difficult task by any stretch. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that everyone is stupid, but I fear that it is rapidly becoming (or has already become) the rule rather than the exception.
Lawyers. I know I don't really have to say anything about lawyers, they're pretty universally despised already. But sitting on the grand jury has finally revealed to me the reason why legal proceedings take so bloody long. Why can't lawyers ever speak a sentence with less than 87 words in it? Or, more to the point, couldn't they just say what it is they're trying to say? If you have to ask someone, "Did you do ever get such-and-such item back?" Would you say,
A. "Did you ever get such-and-such item back?"
or
B. "Did you, at any time, ever see such-and-such item again, and, if so, what were the circumstances under which you saw said such-and-such item?"
I think most of us would go ahead and use option A. Simple, effective. It gets the point across and you get the answer you need. The lawyers on the other hand, all go with option B. Why? Who knows? Probably so they don't get sued. Ha! Most of the time it just confuses the witness, and when they finally understand the question and answer it, they still have to also be asked "Was such-and-such item returned to you at that time, or at any time after that?" So now they've asked two long, ridiculous questions just to get the answer to one simple question. This is my favorite one, though. They never ask someone "What happened next?" or "What did you do next?" It's always "What, if anything, did you observe after such-and-such event?" Again, it's more complicated than it needs to be, but, more than that, why the fuck do they have to say "if anything?" If nothing had happened, we wouldn't all be there in that room listening that horrible story to begin with. Please, for the love of Pete, just say what you mean. They also end up repeating themselves an awful lot, which wouldn't be so bad if it was just because they forgot what they had already said. But it's not. They repeat the same disclaimers over and over and over and over. Just say it once, we get the picture. It would make everyone a whole lot happier. And we could go home much earlier.
All that aside, jury duty can actually be pretty interesting. The stories you hear are mostly terrible and sad, but at the same time...well, uh, I was going to write something here that was meant to be poignant, but my brain just decided to give up and shut itself down. Sorry. I guess I just got my share of the stupid. Maybe I should go watch something on MTV.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
My new ride...
My new bike finally arrived today! Well, new to me, anyway. It's a 2006 Scott Speedster S50, which is an entry level road race bike. Double-butted aluminum frame, carbon fork and seatpost, Sora component group (which will be upgraded to a 105/Ultegra mix as soon as possible), and an Alex wheelset. The only thing the frame doesn't have that I wanted is carbon seatstays, but it seems to ride just fine without them.
Older, not so much wiser...
I recently had one of those "You know you're getting older when..." moments. I went to the laundr-o-mat with a pocket full of quarters, only to discover that the washers and dryers there no longer take quarters. They now have a little card slot where you swipe your pre-paid laundry card. Pre-Paid laundry card? What is this? Ok, where do I get one...over there, at the pre-paid laundry card vending machine. I walk up to the pre-paid laundry card vending machine with quarters in hand, only to discover that the pre-paid laundry card vending machine doesn't take quarters either. Bills only. Well, I don't have any bills. I can't do laundry! At the risk of sounding like your/my/a grandfather, I remember time was when you couldn't do laundry if you didn't have a pocket full of quarters. Now you can't do laundry because you've got a pocket full of quarters? What is going on here? I don't get it.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Only 2 Weeks - or - Kill Me Now
I got selected for my first ever jury duty today! I'll be serving 2 weeks on a Grand Jury. This is not the jury in the big fancy courtroom with the polished wood you see in the movies and TV shows, but the jury that sits in a crappy little room at the end of a hall somewhere else in the court building. The Grand Jury listens to evidence and testimonies in order to determine if there's enough of a case to actually send it on to trial. Whoopee. Sounds like fun, right? While I am open to the possibility that something interesting may occur over these next two weeks, I'm preparing myself for the more likely possibility that this will be a very long two weeks. Not so much because I don't want to be doing it (although I'm not exactly peeing with glee, either) but based on the experience we had just during the selection and "education" process. Once we got picked and assigned to a jury, they spent the next 3 hours explaining to us exactly what it is we would be doing. They could have summed it up in just 3 sentences.
1. Listen to the evidence.
2. Ask any questions you may have.
3. Make your decision and cast your vote.
That's it. It could have been done in 1 minute, 2 or 3 if they felt the need to repeat it a few times. Instead it took three hours of legal-eze and pep talks about what an honor it is to serve on a Grand Jury and do your civic duty. Right. If it were such an honor, they'd be paying more than $40 a day. Actually, I got really lucky being picked for this jury. I only have to serve 2 weeks. Sometimes they get you for 4 weeks, sometimes they get you for 6 months. 6 months?! And you don't get any more than $40/day for the longer sentences, leaving me to wonder, if your employer doesn't pay you when you're on jury duty, how the hell are you supposed to pay your rent if you get stuck on a 6 month jury? Does the court give you a note for your landlord?
"Dear Mr. Landlord,
Johnny doesn't have to pay rent for 6 months because...well, just because."
Somehow, I can't really see that one working out. It is illegal for an employer to fire you because of jury duty, but is it also illegal to get evicted for not paying rent because of jury duty? I'm guessing not.
They also kept telling us that we're not allowed to talk about anything that happens on the Grand Jury. Don't talk about the cases, don't talk about your fellow jury members, don't talk about the votes. Ok, that's fine. It lends an air of mystery that is conspicuously missing from the whole grand jury thing. See? You already want to know all about it, don't you? Actually, you don't. Really. It would either bore you to sleep, or horrify you, depending on the case. It's better that you don't know. The nice thing about all this is, I might finally be able to honestly say, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Top 10 Day
Today is going in my top 10 favorite days so far this year. I went out this morning and did my first mountain bike ride on an actual mountain bike trail. To put it simply, it was an awesome experience. It completely blows city riding away. Getting out of the city and spending a couple of hours in the woods is not only a great big pile of fun, it's also good for the soul. I went out to Cathedral Pines on Long Island and, this being my first ride, I figured I'd take it easy and try not to hurt myself, or wrap my bike around a tree. It's a six mile trail, with an optional 5.5 additional miles of "advanced hill-climbs." I skipped the advanced hill-climbs. I took my time and made it through in about an hour. I stopped a few times to eat and drink on the way through, I was in no real hurry. I had so much fun that when I got to the end, I didn't quite feel finished so I went for another lap around. This time I thought I'd try to go a little faster. Not long after starting the second lap, I caught up with some younger riders on what appeared to be cheap BMX bikes. One of them was on a bike that was way too small for him, and he appeared to be struggling a bit. The other had obviously been there before and knew his way around the trail pretty well. He was moving surprisingly quickly so I started following him, trying to keep up. We quickly left the other guy behind and went on for a chase down the trail. This was a humbling experience. I realize this was my first real mountain bike ride, but I've been road biking for a little while now and I feel like I'm a halfway decent rider. I've got the fancy padded shorts, the clipless pedals and the special shoes, a good bike and a bag of spare parts and tools. This kid was riding a piece of crap bike, wearing tennis shoes, jeans and a sweatshirt, and wasn't even wearing a helmet but he still smoked me through this trail. I kept up with him ok for about 20 minutes or so but I finally had to stop because my hands had gone completely numb on the bars, and I really needed to eat and drink some water. But he never stopped or slowed once. I was really impressed. I got underway again after I ate and had a rest, and it wasn't long before I saw a herd of deer running through the woods. Man, what a great day. I finished the second loop in about 45 minutes, I think, and I wanted to do it again, but I didn't want to push my luck. Plus I was out of food and water.
I also met a guy named Dan who was there with his son Daniel. Daniel looked to be about 9 or 10 years old. Dan is an experienced mountain biker, but it was Daniels first time out on a trail. They had already completed one lap and were getting ready to start another when I was talking to them. Evidently Daniel hadn't had quite enough either. I was glad to see he was having as much fun as I had. So, long story short, I will definitely be doing a lot more mountain biking, hopefully I can get a few more rides in before it gets too cold and starts snowing.
I also met a guy named Dan who was there with his son Daniel. Daniel looked to be about 9 or 10 years old. Dan is an experienced mountain biker, but it was Daniels first time out on a trail. They had already completed one lap and were getting ready to start another when I was talking to them. Evidently Daniel hadn't had quite enough either. I was glad to see he was having as much fun as I had. So, long story short, I will definitely be doing a lot more mountain biking, hopefully I can get a few more rides in before it gets too cold and starts snowing.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Erm, hi.
Well, I still don't really have anything in partcular to write about, but I felt the need to at least pop in and say hi. Hi!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Friday, August 04, 2006
Supermarket Shenanegins
Did you ever wonder what goes on in the supermarket at night, when all the lights are out? Here's one idea...quite well done, funny, and it even has a fruitful message. Sorry for the horrible pun there, you'll get it after you watch the video.
Store Wars
How the hell do you spell shenanegins, anyway?
Friday, July 28, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Chapter 12! Episode 2
Text shot video blog which attempts to be funny, doesn't always quite hit the mark.
Rebirth of Not-So-Cool
So I've found a free hosting site where I can put Chapter 12! videos, and link to them from here. I've started over from Episode 1, just in-case anyone who hasn't seen them stumbles in here and would like to watch.
Chapter 12! Episode 1
Text shot video blog which attempts to be funny, doesn't always quite hit the mark.
This video was originally shared on blip.tv by jvw97 with a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs license.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Thursday, June 15, 2006
I Stand Corrected
Up until this morning I had been under the impression that the pets my girlfriend and I have are cats. Just moments ago I realized the truth of the situation: They are actually porcupines. I know, it seems like such a difficult thing to miss but, in my defense, they are very cleverly and convincingly disguised as cats. It wasn't until just now, when I spent over an hour with the vacuum cleaner attempting to suck, pick, and cajole the purported "cat hair" out of the sofa that I realized the truth. The fact that IT DOES NOT COME OUT is what finally clued me in and made me realize that I was actually dealing with porcupine quills. See, porcupine quills have what they call a little barb at one end. I sticks out facing the opposite direction from the end of the quill so that once it gets inserted into something, that little barb grabs hold and won't let the quill come out. It's a defense mechanism the porcupine uses to avoid being somebody's lunch. Trouble is I just can't figure out what exactly the sofa keeps doing to trigger this defense. It's always very sweet, agreeable, and inviting to me. What could possibly be threatening about a sofa? I'll have to think some more on that, and how to create a less threatening environment for these, nature's little dart guns. In the meantime I need to go call the authorities and find out if I can get in trouble for having pet porcupines.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
I'd like to go away, please.
I don't know if it's just spring fever, or what, but I've been having the most irrepressible urge to get the hell out and do some hiking and camping. I want to go out into the woods and STAY out there for at least 3 days and nights, sleep in a tent, listen to the wind and the birds and the bugs, look at the stars (yes New York City, there really are stars!), then wake up, walk through the woods till it gets dark and do it all over again. I've been reading trail journals, listening to interviews with thru-hikers, I've even got trail maps for the Catskills. I need out. Out of the city, out of the town, out Out OUT!
Thursday, April 13, 2006
What's in the Scotch?
I was just sitting here staring at my glass of scotch wondering, rather stupidly, how many calories are in it? What is the serving size for scotch? Is it Atkins friendly?
Not that I really give two shits about any of this, I was just wondering.
Not that I really give two shits about any of this, I was just wondering.
Monday, April 10, 2006
It's official...
Good news, good news! The Chapter 12! Vodcast is now available on the iTunes Music Store! Don't worry, it's still free.
VodPod
There's a new Vodcast, er Video Podcast, er, whatever you call it, they're all stupid words. Anyway, there's a new one called Chapter 12! that you should go check out. It's funny.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
PLAY SOME LOUD MUSIC!!
The Squirming Coil
Listen to that song. Once the piano starts playing by itself, that's all improvised. It's not written, it's not planned out ahead of time. It's all created on the spot, in the spur of the moment, inspired by, well, what(who)ever it is that inspires brilliant musicians. I want you to listen to it. I want you to appreciate that. If you don't like it, well, I guess that's ok, but please, do me a favor. Find some music you DO like, whatever it is, and play it really loud. REALLY LOUD!!!!!!!!! Enjoy it. Enjoy the hell out of it. Really. Damn the neighbors, they'll get over it, or they'll die that way. Music is one of the most important, most influential things in our lives. PLAY IT LOUD, PLAY IT PROUD, AND DAMN THE TORPEDOS!!! Ok, I don't even really know what that means, but play some loud music anyway, dammit!
Listen to that song. Once the piano starts playing by itself, that's all improvised. It's not written, it's not planned out ahead of time. It's all created on the spot, in the spur of the moment, inspired by, well, what(who)ever it is that inspires brilliant musicians. I want you to listen to it. I want you to appreciate that. If you don't like it, well, I guess that's ok, but please, do me a favor. Find some music you DO like, whatever it is, and play it really loud. REALLY LOUD!!!!!!!!! Enjoy it. Enjoy the hell out of it. Really. Damn the neighbors, they'll get over it, or they'll die that way. Music is one of the most important, most influential things in our lives. PLAY IT LOUD, PLAY IT PROUD, AND DAMN THE TORPEDOS!!! Ok, I don't even really know what that means, but play some loud music anyway, dammit!
Friday, March 03, 2006
Late
Leon didn't think he was going to make it back into town before the bell, but he was running as fast as he could anyway. Maybe nobody would notice he was late. And if they did, well, he had a pretty good excuse. The thing was, being late meant he would get no food 'till dinner the next day and he was already pretty hungry. Leon did not want to be late.
He heard the first peal of the bell when he was still about 20 yards from the edge of town and he tried to run faster. But he was already at his limits and the extra effort put him off balance. He pitched forward and sprawled in the dirt of the road, gouging his elbow on a sharp rock.
Leon had never really gotten used to the sight of blood, especially his own. It made him dizzy and a little nauseous but he got up and ran again.
Leon stumbled panting into the center of town not more than a minute after the last toll of the bell. He was quite a sight, sucking air, chest heaving, covered in dirt and blood. He had little tracks down his face where sweat had washed away the dirt. A few people looked at him oddly, a few snickered, but nobody spoke to him as they filtered out of the square and back to their homes. Soon he was left stading alone over a tiny pool of blood that was growing fatter as the gash in his arm continued to leak. Feeling even dizzier now from losing so much blood, and hungry as he was, it took him a minute to realize he should probably go see the doctor and get his arm stitched up.
"You were late."
"Yes, doctor, I'm sorry. But I'm injured, I think I need stitches." The doctor looked at Leon's arm and opened his door with a sigh.
"Come in, let me have a look."
"Thank you, doctor."
He entered the doctor's workroom and had a seat on the paper covered table. It crinkled under him. That sound had always annoyed Leon, though he didn't really understand why. The doctor turned on a lamp and brought it over to have a look at Leon's elbow.
"Yes, this will need stiching. How did it happen?"
"I fell in the road and cut it on a rock. I was running to try to make it back in time."
"Why were you late, Leon?"
His excuse didn't sound quite as good when he said it out loud. Apparently the doctor agreed with him.
"That is a shame, Leon. But late is late, there's nothing I can do about that."
"I'm very hungry, doctor." The doctor stared at him for a moment with what Leon was sure was sympathy in his eyes.
"That is a shame, Leon. But late is late, there's nothing I can do about that."
Leon gasped as the doctor poured cold alchohol on his wound and wiped it clean. He cried out when the first stitch went in.
"I'm sorry. The supply train hasn't shown up for the last two weeks and we're out of anesthetic." Leon gritted his teeth and tried to think of anything to distract himself until the stitching was done. He thought about clouds in a deep blue sky, he thought about the way the sea looks after a storm. He thought about how far they were from the sea out here in the settlement and he wondered when he might get to see it again, or if he ever would. He was thinking about the taste of sea water when he glanced down at what the doctor was doing to his arm, and he was still thinking about it when he passed out.
When Leon woke, he was disoriented and for a moment he panicked. It was dark and he was cold and hungry and he didn't know where he was. He rolled to his left and fell, landing once again in the dust of the street. He realized he had been laying on the wooden bench in front of the doctor's house, and felt a little foolish. The doctor was not about and the house was dark so he wispered his thanks and headed back to the center of town.
Leon dipped a bucketfull of water from the well and drank, grateful for the cool, wet relief. The night was hot, and he splashed some water on his face to wash away the grime and cool his parched skin. He drank some more water and inspected the stitching in his arm. It hurt like hell, but it was clean and he wasn't bleeding. The cold water intesified the hunger in his belly and he thought regretfully of the meal he had been denied. Wondering why he had been sent to live in this place, why they all had, he wandered off in search of something to eat.
Morning found him still wandering the streets. He couldn't remember where he lived and he had wandered all night looking for food. He was lost and delerious when people first started emerging from their homes, but Leon didn't even notice them. He walked right into a man with a cart full of fence posts, but he was so far gone it didn't even register in his mind. He bounced off a few more people on his way down the street, until he hit a man carrying a hammer and knocked him down. The man got up angrily and shoved Leon, shouting at him to pay attention, but Leon was so weak he stumbled and struck his head hard on an adobe wall. For the third time, Leon fell into the dusty street.
For most of the day people walked by and ignored the man lying in the street. They hurried along and went about their business and tried to pretend he wasn't there. Then as the sun was going down, the doctor happened by and saw Leon lying there. He tried to wake him up, but found him unresponsive, and not breathing. He felt for a pulse but there was none.
The doctor stood looking down at Leon's corpse in the street thinking, "That is a shame, Leon. But late is late, there's nothing I can do about that."
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Thursday, January 12, 2006
This blog has sharp...uh, nevermind.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
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