I got selected for my first ever jury duty today! I'll be serving 2 weeks on a Grand Jury. This is not the jury in the big fancy courtroom with the polished wood you see in the movies and TV shows, but the jury that sits in a crappy little room at the end of a hall somewhere else in the court building. The Grand Jury listens to evidence and testimonies in order to determine if there's enough of a case to actually send it on to trial. Whoopee. Sounds like fun, right? While I am open to the possibility that something interesting may occur over these next two weeks, I'm preparing myself for the more likely possibility that this will be a very long two weeks. Not so much because I don't want to be doing it (although I'm not exactly peeing with glee, either) but based on the experience we had just during the selection and "education" process. Once we got picked and assigned to a jury, they spent the next 3 hours explaining to us exactly what it is we would be doing. They could have summed it up in just 3 sentences.
1. Listen to the evidence.
2. Ask any questions you may have.
3. Make your decision and cast your vote.
That's it. It could have been done in 1 minute, 2 or 3 if they felt the need to repeat it a few times. Instead it took three hours of legal-eze and pep talks about what an honor it is to serve on a Grand Jury and do your civic duty. Right. If it were such an honor, they'd be paying more than $40 a day. Actually, I got really lucky being picked for this jury. I only have to serve 2 weeks. Sometimes they get you for 4 weeks, sometimes they get you for 6 months. 6 months?! And you don't get any more than $40/day for the longer sentences, leaving me to wonder, if your employer doesn't pay you when you're on jury duty, how the hell are you supposed to pay your rent if you get stuck on a 6 month jury? Does the court give you a note for your landlord?
"Dear Mr. Landlord,
Johnny doesn't have to pay rent for 6 months because...well, just because."
Somehow, I can't really see that one working out. It is illegal for an employer to fire you because of jury duty, but is it also illegal to get evicted for not paying rent because of jury duty? I'm guessing not.
They also kept telling us that we're not allowed to talk about anything that happens on the Grand Jury. Don't talk about the cases, don't talk about your fellow jury members, don't talk about the votes. Ok, that's fine. It lends an air of mystery that is conspicuously missing from the whole grand jury thing. See? You already want to know all about it, don't you? Actually, you don't. Really. It would either bore you to sleep, or horrify you, depending on the case. It's better that you don't know. The nice thing about all this is, I might finally be able to honestly say, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
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